Summer Intern Reflection by Benjamin

When I started at Holy Wisdom this summer, I had a lot of ‘I don’t know’s. I didn’t know any prairie plants. I didn’t know how to use a single tool. I didn’t know if I would like working outside or if it would be a long slog through the summer. In our world, ‘I don’t know’ can be scary place. We are, of course, supposed to know how to do things, to know what comes next, to know why we want something. In that regard, to admit that we don’t know is to express a failing.

This summer, I often had to say ‘I don’t know.’ Here at Holy Wisdom however, I found a different definition for not knowing. Here, not knowing is not the terminus of thought but the beginning of it. ‘I don’t know’ is an expression of curiosity, an invitation to learn.

How glorious to not know! How wonderful to be surrounded by people and land from which to learn.

Throughout my time at Holy Wisdom, I found this stance of curiosity, of joyful inquiry to be actively cultivated by my mentors. If I didn’t know how to do something, Cortez was always there to teach me with a smile. Amy and Emma, in particular, took so much care building my knowledge base and skillset to the point where I could work independently. With them – and with every person I shared time with this summer, sister, coworker and volunteer alike – ‘I don’t know’ was never anything less than an invitation to learn and grow, and to do so joyfully and purposefully.

As I learned how to drive a tractor (sort of), how to harvest seed and why we mow some areas more often than others, I witnessed ecological and Benedictine practices harmonizing. The work of sustaining and caring a prairie is not the work of a day, nor a year nor even a hundred years. By removing the weight of needing to finish, to be done; I was free to spend my days being curious and learning. Or to put it in more Benedictine terms, I was free to listen.

There were many things I did not hear.

There are many things I still don’t know.

Being at Holy Wisdom this summer helped me do the deep work of coming to be not just okay with that, but excited by it. There is so much learning left to do! There is so much more of the world that needs listening to. And I’m grateful beyond words to be able to bring what has grown in me at Holy Wisdom out into the world to do that work.