I wanted to be able to forgive my ex-husband … I wanted to see him as a hurting soul, as a person in need of something that I could never give. I wanted to be able to, as the Dalai Lama says, “Imagine him as a 5 year old child” in my attempt to see him as a person who was very wounded and who might never find peace, and to send him light and love and to only think good thoughts when I thought of him. I wanted to forgive him … But I just couldn’t, no matter how hard I wanted to … I felt … like there was something wrong with me, that unless I could work this out, I was doomed to be unbalanced in my quest for spiritual wholeness.
Claudia helped me explore the idea that maybe it was too soon for forgiveness, just yet. Maybe I needed more time to process all that rage and sadness before I could empty my heart and be open to filling it up with forgiveness. … She understood my need to be “right with the Universe” in the balance of things regarding my divorce. But she also knew that these things take time…and they take Universe time, not “me” time. Claudia helped me to understand that the Universe didn’t require me to forgive my ex husband now…maybe someday…but it was okay not to right now. No pressure. Baby steps. The Universe is infinitely patient. As long as you are willing to take the steps to forgive…The Universe will always be there at the forgiveness table waiting for you to sit down. No matter how long it takes.
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For additional excerpts from Sarah’s on-going blog, click on this link: A Confirmed City Girl looks for God in a Monastery
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For information about spiritual guidance available through Holy Wisdom Monastery click on this link.