Walking contemplative

Submitted by Kathleen Owens (she/her), Manager of Clergy Programming and Communications for the Center for Clergy Renewal at Holy Wisdom Monastery.

“I don’t know if burned out is the right word,” reflects Julane Nease when recalling what led her to apply to Contemplative Renewal Immersions, “but I was feeling the stress of my call. There’d been a lot of difficulties that had happened within the life of the people in the congregation.” When she arrived for her first immersion in July 2021, she realized she was not alone. “I remember at that first session being struck at how emotional it was, several people, and I think probably me, were crying when we were talking about what had been going on and all the stress points in our lives and ministries.”

Julane felt the welcome and embrace of the cohort community in the group sessions. In Centering Prayer, she found a welcome and embrace from Christ. “I remember sitting in the oratory sinking into Centering Prayer and saying to myself, ‘OK, Jesus, here I am.’ And then I saw Jesus’ eyes right in front of me. I heard him say, ‘I’m here too.’”

By the end of the first immersion, Julane knew the contemplative way of praying and understanding God was needed in her life. The encouragement to look inward helped her to see the need to care for her own spiritual health. She is an extrovert and generally tends to be outward facing in her life. Paying attention to the internal was amazing, but hard. She entered the second immersion tender and ready for care. “It was okay because it was really a soft place to land. I knew that if all I could do was cry that was okay and people would be there to support me. I’ll always be tremendously grateful for that space.”

Beyond the two immersions, it is Julane’s ongoing small group that has provided a deep ongoing connection. “They are people that will show up for me whenever I need them, and they know that I will do that for them too.” It is also in her small group where Julane continues to develop her understanding of what it means to be a contemplative person and pastor. “We talk about it in our small group because we all feel we are walking contemplatives in this world. Thinking of myself that way reminds me to pause and be quiet, because how else am I going to hear God if things are so loud? Especially in this season in our country, everything is so loud. If I can remember to take five minutes of Centering Prayer, it is enough to refocus. Remember my breath. That’s been a big change.”

In her effort to be a walking contemplative in the world, Julane incorporates aspects of contemplative practice into worship. Worship now starts with silence, a form of Statio that Julane sees as particularly helpful for bringing the community together when some are online and others are in person. Reading Psalms aloud together has also shifted. “I remember Sister Lynne talking to us about how the sisters read out loud together. It’s about listening to each other. It’s not just about saying the words. I always try to let my voice be one voice among others. Sometimes I have the sense I’m going with the waves of the way the people are reading and speaking.” Thank you for being part of the community that supports the walking contemplatives in our loud world. The deep roots Julane developed through the Contemplative Renewal Immersions are continuing to feed Julane and her congregation, bringing forth new fruit as they continue to walk together through challenging times.