At Holy Wisdom Monastery, we acknowledge that there are more than two genders. This is and has been true across the world and throughout history. Everyone experiences life differently and brings with them diverse and unique perspectives and traits that we value. Transgender, nonbinary and people of all genders are welcome here for who they are.
In difficult times, part of how we can practice Benedictine values is by leaning in to community and deepening our relationships with each other. If we want to see people for who they truly are, we must learn how they see themselves rather than let our preconceptions create a false image of them.
Learning more about gender identity, asking about pronouns and respecting peoples’ identities relates to so many Benedictine values including:
- Truthful living – Empowering people to be authentic and improving our ability to understand people and see them for who they are.
- Respect for persons & justice – Validating the identities and experiences of marginalized people is supportive and meaningful.
- Hospitality & common good – Showing care, respect and attentiveness towards others helps to create a safe space.
When meeting someone new, we invite you to take a moment to ask about their pronouns. Asking about pronouns and sharing your pronouns is a small but meaningful way to create an environment where everyone feels valued and included. For example, “Hi, I see you’re new! My name is _______ and my pronouns are _____. How about you?”
One of our community members shares a story, “I was at a small group event and we started our time together with introductions. Two people went before me, saying their names. I do my best to remember to share my pronouns when meeting new people, so I shared my pronouns as well. One of the people who introduced themself after me also shared their pronouns, which were they/them. Sharing my pronouns first may have made them more comfortable sharing and may have prevented them from being misgendered. In addition, because I shared my pronouns, it meant they weren’t the only person to share their pronouns. Being the only one to share pronouns is a common experience for trans and nonbinary people and can feel isolating.”
When someone uses the wrong pronouns, that is known as misgendering. Experiencing misgendering can be harmful to trans and nonbinary people, whether it was done intentionally or not.
If someone lets you know that you have used the wrong pronoun for someone, it is generally considered best to respond by saying thank you, using the correct pronoun and moving on with whatever was happening before.
If you hear someone being misgendered, offer a kind correction to the person who misgendered them. Interjecting when you hear misgendering lets trans and nonbinary people know you care about them and respect their identity.